April 2008


Here are your questions for April 2008.

Michael from Florida, United States asks

Hello there. My name is Michael and I'm 15 years old. Well, i've been dating this girl for about a month. A couple of days ago she said "don't ever let me go." I knew she was saying it figuratively. The problem is that, I don't know what it means when a girl says it figuratively. So my question is, what does it mean when a girl says "don't ever let me go?"

Sissy says

Hi Michael,

You are getting the first dose of "men not understanding women"! LOL! You are wise to ask for help - What she is saying to you is that she doesn't want to break up or lose you. In order to understand what a woman is saying you always need to look underneath the surface. In this case it is the fact that she is telling you that she is worried about you leaving her!

Good luck to you

Sissy

Rocky from Alberta, Canada asks

Not too long ago, I had a one night stand with a good friend of mine. Things are ok between us now, and we still talk and hang out sometimes, but I've realized that I like him as more than a friend. Things are a little complicated though.

First of all, he's a really charming guy, and naturally has many female friends so I don't think he'd set me apart from the rest of them and I'm not willing to compete for his attention. It's not that he's a player, he's just used to getting a lot of attention from girls.

The second problem is, I am going away for school in Septemeber for the year, so if anything was to happen, it would most likely only last the summer.

So my question is, should I just accept his friendship and enjoy my summer with him, or should I try and do something more??

Thanks :)

Sissy says

Hello,

This is a common situation and also the "summer love" syndrome. I would enjoy my time with him, have a good time, but as for starting a serious relationship - I would wait.

Since it would only be a short term thing you could end up regretting it so have a good time outside of the bedroom!

There will be others at your new school so I wouldn't jump into anything.

Good luck to you

Sissy

Brad from Colorado, United States asks

I've been dating a woman who has been divorced for about 8 years. We have discussed past relationships in depth and both know we have some "baggage" to carry into the relationship. The problem I have is that she continues to have contact with several of her past lovers on a regular basis - emails, phone calls and personal contact as well.

She states they are now just "friends". My question is...I am somewhat suspicious of these men still in her life. Is my reaction normal in thinking that she may be hanging on to these relationships in case ours fails, or am I over reacting with my jealousy with her continued contact with several of her prior boy friends?

I hope you have a decent answer as this continues to come up causing some rather heated discussions between us.

Sissy says

Hi Brad,

This is a fairly common issue between couples especially those that have the "baggage" that you speak of.

One of my biggest theories in therapy as well as life is the following - if you are in a relationship and one person has a problem with something then it is a problem for both partners.

I would tell her my concerns and explain that it is something that you are not comfortable with and see what happens.

If she does not stop the actions/behavior then you will know exactly where you stand with her.

Personally I would not play second fiddle to past lovers myself, but that is something that you will have to decide for yourself!

Good luck and keep in touch.

Sissy

Diva from Ontario, Canada asks

Hi, I'm new to this stuff but I have some questions.

I recently met this guy and he is such a nice guy but it really sucks that he was honest enough to tell me that he is kinda seeing someone. Should I still be his friend and act like I'm cool with the fact that he's kinda seeing someone or should I back off?

I just feel like we could have something good, but I don't want to put my hopes up if its a dead end. Please help me...

Sissy says

Hello,

It is notable that he was honest with you, but he was telling you that if you want to play second fiddle your in the right place so try this -

Explain that you are not comfortable being the "other girl" and see his reaction. At that point you have to make the decision of whether to stay or go. Remember though if he plays seconds with you he may not be quite the honest gentleman!

Good luck

Sissy

Donald from NY, United States asks

I am a 16 year old boy in high school. I am a junior and I like an 18 year old girl who is a senior. I've liked her since the end of my freshman year. During my sophomore year, I believed she like me because she kept dropping hints all the time. She would talk louder to her friends when they walked past me, smile at me sometimes, and a lot of other things for like 8 months.

However I never had the courage to talk to her until the last day of school. I called her up and asked if she was dating anyone. She told me she had a boyfriend, but we proceeded to have a conversation. I apologized and hung up the phone.

A couple of weeks into summer vacation I called her back later to apologize and we had another conversation. I had to stop the conversation, so I asked her if I could call again and she told me she didn't care, but she was pretty sad.

Eventually I had to go on summer vacation in a foreign country so I called her back, but I got her mom instead as she wasn't home. I just told her mom to tell her that I called, after our own little conversation.

After summer vacation ended, I saw her again in school at the beginning of this year. However once again, I didn't have the courage to talk to her. This continued for a month where we just looked at each other. After about a month she casually walks pass me and asks me how my summer was. I just responded that it was good and that was it.

It's been like five months since then. We see each other occasionally in the halls and we say hi to each other but that's usually it. She still drops a lot of hints that she likes me but she also still has a boyfriend. We're in a few clubs together but there really aren't that many meetings for us to have a chance to form a stronger connection. She still hangs out with her boyfriend, as they go on dates. They had a fight once when he told her that he loved her and she didn't say the same thing back to him. I also remember that during the first month she started to date her boyfriend she always looked sad when I saw her.

At the beginning of this year and even occasionally now she looks sad sometimes when I see her.

Anyways, I have quite a lot of questions:

1. She's never actually told me that she likes me. What would be reasons for this? She came close a couple of times; at the beginning of this year she said to her friend as they walked past me "Maybe I should tell him", once she was walking behind me with a friend as she said "I like him" when no one else was in the hall except for the three of us, also another time I walked past her in the hall and she said to her friends "Maybe he doesn't like me anymore".

2. Should I still keep hope in that there is a possibility for us to date? I mean I fully understand that I should respect her and try to be friends first, but I also can't ignore the fact that I really like her. However I also don't want to feel hurt and this is hard since she has a boyfriend and if I have a real conversation with her, I would probably ask her about her relationship with her boyfriend which would make her think that I didn't respect her.

3. Is it bad to like someone with a boyfriend if you know she has feelings for you? I really don't think she's a bad person. This is because of the fact that I believe she was really hurt by me when I never tried to get to know her during my sophomore year despite all the hints she gave me every day. 4. I know that the obvious solution to get rid of my problems is to talk to her. But the main reason why this is so hard is because of the fact that she has a boyfriend. I've liked a lot of girls in the past, but never as much as this girl. I know that I'm still young and that I'll meet tons of girls in the future, but I just can't help it. What should I do?

Thanks a lot for reading.

P.S. We're both going to Europe along with our classmates for spring break. So inevitably we're going to spend 10 days very close to each other.

Sissy says

Hi Donald,

I completely understand the dilemma of not knowing whether someone likes us well enough to date us. That is completely normal and every human feels that way - no matter how young or old!

From what you describe I believe that she is dropping those hints waiting on you to sweep her off her feet and away from her boyfriend. The comments made by the young lady tell me all that I need to know!

You might want to look into the self confidence ebook on the site it has some great information and it really helps you with breaking that ice.

My comment to you is GO FOR IT - ask her out!!

Let me know how it goes.

Sissy

Amy from New Jersey, United States asks

I am dating guy who kept asking me out for the last few months. I have been seeing him for about 7 months now, he is 21 and I am 24. While I was dating or in a dating status I was seeing another guy who is 28, great guy as well for about 4 months. So basically dating two guys at once.

The older guy was very mature about things and wouldn't get jealous like the other guy and doesn't cling on to me like the younger one does, I even feel a little uncofortable going out into social scenes with him because he has to cling on to me and gets upset if I talk to guys that I know and he doesn't.

I explain to him that they are just friends of mine. The younger one is a sweet person as well and treats me nice. The older one just made things simple and seems to have more confidence in me and what I.

I don't feel uncomfortable with him but feel like I am always being watched by the younger one when I am with him.

It's put me in an awkward position because I really liked them both. Well just recently I decided to date the younger one because he kept asking me to go out and I feel since I was with him first I would go out with him and make him my boyfriend.

I told the older one what I was doing and he took it in a very calm manner. He did not get upset or anything. In fact he kind of had a feeling that I was going to be with the other one. He then asked me where my feelings were at and I told him I don't know and that I went out with him because he kept asking me, but I do like him too.

I then told him to swear to me that he would not mention that to anyone since he knows some of my friends. I don't want the younger one knowing that I just gave in to him.

Basically my question to you is - did I make the right decision and does the guy I picked show signs of being controlling?

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you

Sissy says

Hi Amy,

It really sounds like you are having an emotional dilemma. While I can't answer your question of whether or not you picked the right one, I would ask you this - Are you happy?

Sometimes we are put into positions where we fall in love with two people and then it is very difficult to "choose" the right one.

In the past I have advised clients to break out pen and paper - make a list "good vs bad", "happy times vs sad times" and make the decision from their own outcome.

Good luck to you and let me know how it goes!

Sissy

Tina from the United Kingdom asks

I went out with a lad for 3 years. 6 months later, i started dating his older brother who i had liked the whole time. We went on about 6-7 dates and it was going really well and the last time we went out he came back to mine and spoke with my parents a little and didnt leave till 1am even though he has work at 8am.

I then didnt hear off him until 5 days later, a text saying " hey you okay, been up to much? x " so i left it a day to text back. Then i saw him 2 days later briefly. He seemed very off and i was confused so i text him and he said he thought we got on really well and i was gorgeous but he wasnt really sure that he could take it any further.

I was gutted!

I'm very confused because he said he has really anjoyed the saturday night and yet since he has been funny with me. i dont understand. he said it was because he felt weird because of his brother and he wanted to just be able to do whatever, but he likes me still.

Do i forget about him and try to move on or because our paths are constantly crossing, try to make him see whats hes missing out on?

Sissy says

Hi Tina,

Dating family members can be dangerous to your emotional health and theirs as well and I really advise against mingling in related waters.

It might be best to put the experience down to "a lesson learned" and move on.

Let me know.

Sissy

Bonnie from NH, United States asks

When dating online from a 'site', how many dates should occur between two people before they should remove their profile from the dating site?

Sissy says

Hi Bonnie,

I am not sure that there is a "specific" number of dates or encounters.

I think that a good judge of when to pull yourself from the market is when you are content with whomever you are dating.

Hope that helps.

Sissy

Kim from Toronto, United States asks

I have been dating this guy for about 6 weeks now. We had been friends for about 3 years prior. Lately we have spent many nights together sleeping ONLY, along with hugs and kisses.

Recently we went to a movie and had lunch together along with my 12 year old daughter. Later that day he walked us home, and then asked about what I was doing later that evening. I replied, stating that don't really know lets talk about it after I feed the kids and run an errand, He agreed to call me later.

That was about two days ago, I haven't heard anything from him since then. I am a bit worried, and I have left him serveral email messages, that he would have normally responded to by now.

In my last message to him I mentioned that I was concerned and he should expect to get a visit from me sometime today. I really want to know that he's OK, I have grown to care about him alot lately.

Here's are my questions.

1. What is with the sleeping together and no sex, it has been too long, and I was starting to wonder why or what is the reason. Is he a virgin? maybe he isn't attracted to me? If I hear from him again, should I mention this?

2. Am I being being too pushy, or sounding desparate by telling him that I am concerned about not hearing from him, especially after we had planned to get together later?

This is the first real relationship that I have been involved with since my divorce, and believe me, I feel really confused. Maybe I have been an unhappy wife for too long, that I dont know how to be a good girlfriend.

Sissy says

Hi Kim,

There are a million reasons that he may have kind of "disappeared" on you. Honestly if I were in the same situation I would just ask him. If he is not straight with you or beats around the bush you may conclude that he is not interested for whatever reason.

You are a free woman now so enjoy the dating scene, don't get caught up in waiting on one. Trust me I have been down the same road!

Good luck and let me know how it goes,

Sissy

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