August 2008


Here are your questions for August 2008.

Chris from CA, United States asks

Hi Sissy i need your HELP!

This last saturday i went out on a date with an attractive intelligent brunette that i met online. The date couldn't have gone better. She was extremely interested in me. She complimented me on my appearance and showed me her phone during the date where she had my number stored in as "hottie". I was getting all the positive signs both verbal and non-verbal. She busted out her digital camera and showed me pics of her parents..told me how different i was from all the other guys shes met in the past. She even went as far as to say that this was the best first date that she'd been on in a very very long time.

During the date we talked about each others interests and what we were looking for as far as a relationship is concerned. We were both looking for a long term committed relationship. We talked a lot about sexual things like what turned her on.

After dinner she asked me to sit next to her. I went for the kiss and we kissed passionately for sometime. She kept coming back to kiss me more and more. It was really nice and obviously i also felt quite physically and emotionally drawn to her.

FYI: she currently lives out of town in the bay area and i live in the LA area but shes moving in town next month for good. That's why she was visiting town to look for apartments and we happened to go on a date since she found me online.

So anyways the night ended with her going back to her hotel. I asked her to call me once she reached her hotel to let me know she reached safely which she did.

During the date she also told me i could call her as many times i wanted even visit her the following weekend up in the bay area where she is currently living.

Here's what I THINK i did wrong. I took all this literally since i was on an emotional high. The next morning i woke up all dreamy and left her a voicemail where i told her "how much fun it was and that i felt dreamy around her". She returned my call a few hours later but sounded a bit different. Don't know how to explain it but she didnt sound like the other times when i had spoken to her over the phone.

She asked me more questions about myself including what i like to do over the weekends, how much time alone would i need to spend with my friends when i have a girlfriend, whether i had any rules around splitting the cost of the bill each time i hung out with my girlfriend etc. I answered them honestly and she told me "can you get one answer wrong please" so obviously i took all these as positive signs. Oh and she also asked me if i had a circumsized or uncircumsized penis. Go figure!

During this call i also mentioned to her if she wanted me to come to the bay area like we had talked about on our first date. She told me she'll let me know. I think all this may have across as needy clingy behavior to her from my side.

So during the middle of the conversation she told me she was getting a call from her mom and that she would call me right back so we hung up BUT she never called back. I called her up later that night after about 6-7 hrs. She picked up but i realized i had just woken her up from her sleep. i apologized and told her she can call me when she gets a chance. Well now its been 5 days since that night call and i havent heard from her. I havent called her either.

My question is did i do something wrong to drop her interest level for me? And what can i do now to regain it? She seems to be acting aloof. Is it because i came on too strong too early and scared her away by letting her know we both had a really strong connection and how i wanted to pay her a visit in the bay area, and how she gives me a very positive vibe?

PLEASE HELP. what should i do next? I'd like to get a second date with her. Do i call or do i wait for her?

My gut tells me she wont call but im not sure what really put her off (if anything). P.S Me and my date are both 27 years old.

Sissy says

Hi Chris,

You are an articulate, caring and intelligent male that sounds like a great guy.

I am going to be perfectly honest here because I think that is what you are looking for. Your date sounded great except for the parts where you were being screened. You were interrogated rather than "having a good time" like a date is suppose to be.

It sounds to me that this young woman is looking for Mr Perfect and has a set standard (that is most likely unrealistic). She blows in and out like the wind, which does not make for a good relationship.

I would not call her or worry with it. At least you know before you became "too" involved.

Believe me you will not have any trouble finding a date, you sound like a great guy!

ps, her behavior or actions have nothing to do with you or your behavior her insecurity and need for "utopia" are a problem on the inside of her.

Good luck and keep me posted

Sissy

Tom from Idaho, United States asks

Im 15 and have never had a girlfriend, however that is by choice. I have no doubt that if I wanted I could get one but I just dont want to. Its not that im gay or haven't been through puberty its just that with the time I would spend going on dates and what not I like practicing guitar.

Most of my friends have girlfriends and say that I need one, but I don't think I do. initially, I thought I would want a girlfriend that was hot and not much else, but now I want a girlfriend that is pretty, funny and smart.

All my friends think I'm crazy but hey, at this point, I am the best guitarist at my school which is a pretty good accomplishment for me going into my soph. year.

Anyways, the question is should I be dating and trying to get girls? I mean, I'll admit sometimes I feel kinda lonely and want someone to hug and snuggle but I can't find anyone that meets my standards! I havnt even kissed a girl and all these kids around me are making out.

Are my standards too high?

Should I lower my standards to get a girlfriend?

Should getting a girlfriend be my primary focus at 15? (almost 16)?

Sissy says

Hi Tom,

You will never hear me say "lower your standards", especially when you sound as level headed as yourself. I believe that when she comes along you will know and you will be proud that you haven't wasted time and heart aches on everyone else.

I admire you for your musical talent and taking your time. Plus, yes I am going to say it (like everyone else) you do have plenty of time.

Do not change your focus, she will come along, I promise!

Sissy

DJ from Merced, United States asks

Im dating a christian girl but i'm not christian. Will this break up our relationship?

I really love her so much that I hope it won't.

Sissy says

Hi DJ,

It really depends on the young ladies convictions. I know that some Christians believe that they can only be with/married to believers.

You may have to have a serious talk with her and gather her feelings and beliefs. At that point you could decide if you can give Christianity a try or risk the relationship.

For me that was a deal breaker, but not everyone feels the same way, so just talk to her about it and then do some soul searching.

Good luck to you

Sissy

Katie from Connecticut, United States asks

Ok so I've been dating this guy for 6 months and he's my first love. Everything is going really great in our relationship but the other day he signed onto his myspace page and forgot to sign off. I saw that he has been messaging other girls that are out of state and flirting with them.

I know he's not cheating on me but it still bothers me even though I know there's no chance of him even meeting these girls. Do you think I should let it bother me?

Sissy says

Hi Katie,

I do understand where you are coming from and yes it would bother me as well. You say that he is not cheating on you - how do you know that?

Do you consider flirting and having an emotional relationship cheating? I do!

I would talk to him about it and gather his reaction, if he is not willing to say goodbye to that type of behavior you either have to accept it and know where he stands or tell him it is over. I would not put up with my man talking or flirting with other women, no matter how far they are from your city. There are hundreds of airports!

Good luck and let me know how it turns out.

Sissy

Matt from Australia asks

I've been in a relationship now for 3 years and I love the girl I'm with. But recently I've met someone else and I have these same feelings for her also. I've told her and she has told me she has the same strong feelings also. I'm so confused in what to do.

I don't want to hurt the girl I'm with and I have feelings for her. But I love this new girl also. What am I to do?

I've never had two people I love also love me at the same time. I need help with this.

Thanks for any advice you can give me. I need it.

Sissy says

Hi Matt,

You are in a tough situation, though most men would kill to be there! Really, you are going to have to do some soul searching and weigh all the options.

Who makes you happiest and who are you most comfortable with?

You may even go so far as to take a break from both of them and clear your head before making a final decision.

Now with that being said make a decision and cut one of them loose. It is painful to be strung along and you sound like a compassionate man, so do the right thing!

Good luck to you and let me know how it all turns out!

Sissy

Dom from Henderson, United States asks

No matter how hard I try every girl just seems to only like me as a friend.

I don't know what to do, and its rather depressing.

Sissy says

Hi Dom,

Sorry to hear about the dilemma! From what I understand women are more attracted to the risky type of man. Now this doesn't mean that you should run out and get tattoos or buy a motorcycle, but personality says it all.

Try putting yourself in a different role than the "friend". They see you this way because you befriend them. Be a little mysterious, don't answer their phone calls or let them know where you are for a day or so. Talk about other girls and make their mouth water. Change the way you relate to them and other females and it should help you!

Feel free to write any time for help!

Sissy

Kelsey from Arkansas, United States asks

Okay so I really like this boy who told me about 4 weeks ago that he's liked me since school got out. Well he told me this 3 days before he went out of town for 2 weeks and I had told him that I like him too. We didn't want to start anything or think about starting anything until he got home.

We talked every single day he was gone and he was saying how it seems like nobody ever wants to do anything fun when he's around. Before he left I asked if he wanted to come with a few of our friends to a movie and when he got home I asked if he wanted to go bowling and to a church retreat with a bunch of our friends and his answer all 3 times had been "I don't really feel like it" and it's frustrating.

Since he got home we've talked less than when he was gone. It really seems like he's sending mixed signals. I really like this guy and I don't want things to get messed up.

Do you think he still likes me? (I really don't want to ask him that myself because I'm painfully shy around guys) and then the other part of my dilema is that my best friends other best friend told me she likes this guy before I was able to tell her I like him. She doesn't ever talk to him but she wants to ask him out.

If he does like me I'm stuck because I don't want to lose her as a friend and be a hypocrite by going out with him (because I know how much it hurts when you trust someone and tell them who you like and they go out with the person).

Do you think he still likes me? What should I do?

Sissy says

Hello

It is difficult to tell if he is still interested or not. How about you approach him on the phone or in person just like old times and see his reaction. You should be able to tell without coming right out and asking him.

Casually mention that you miss the way that things use to be and watch his reaction. This should tell you all that you need to know! I would do this and then talk to my friend. If you think that he is still interested I would be honest with her and tell her that you did not have the courage to tell her when she said that she liked him.

Honesty is always the best policy.

Good luck to you!

Sissy

Audrey from Florida, United States asks

My former Dr and I have been doing this flirtation dance for a year, but very clearly attracted to each other. Every few months we talk, although I call him more than he calls me. I also do not have his cell or home number. We were suppose to go out for drinks, but it never happened.

Recently I went by his office, and he claimed that he has been so busy...his ill sister and elderly mother briefly moved in with him, and he was in deep financial distress. He even went so far as to show me a piece of paper prominently displayed on his desk with my phone number on it!

My questions are...is he really interested, and just conflicted because I was his patient? Are his personal problems too overwhelming to focus on dating? or does he have a girlfriend, and is afraid to tell me that he his just is not interested?

Sissy says

Hello Audrey,

I think that you are right playing it safe and being a bit suspicious. The story does sound a bit fishy, however there are practices that physicians are suppose to uphold. They are really not suppose to get involved with their patients, so this could be a problem for him.

Maybe he just can not help himself though. I would approach him and ask him point blank. If the patient thing is a problem then find another doctor if you want to pursue a relationship. If he is still stand offish, I would assume that he is taken.

Good luck and let me know!

Sissy

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