January 2008


Here are your questions for January 2008.

Samantha from California, United States asks

Dear Sissy,

I think my teacher has a crush on me. I heard that he even got married a few months ago. He stares at me a lot and it's like he's attracted to me. I like him as teacher but this problem really bothers me, what should I do?

Please help me.

Sissy says

Hi Samantha,

It is not impossible for a teacher to act inappropriately so keep your distance.

If you believe that your teacher is acting inappropriately or making you feel uncomfortable then you should confide in an adult (parent, counselor...) You could then be moved from the class or other action could be taken to allow you to sit in class with out feeling that way.

Good luck to you.

Sissy

Steve from Louisiana, United States asks

I work with a very sexy, beautiful woman. In fact, we own two businesses together.

she is terrified of her ex as he drinks, and is irate often with her, especially if he thinks she is interested in someone else. Therefore she steers clear of seeing anyone.

I am developing serious feelings for her, but I don't want to harm in any way our very successful business relationship. Should I risk it all and go for it, or be cool and not express my feelings?

She even accepted a 'date' with me to a dance together, on the premise of friends, and it went very well! what should I do? and do you think she's interested in me?

Sissy says

Hi Steve,

It does sound like she is interested. Women that are afraid of past relationships are sometimes very reserved when it comes time for a new one.

Take it slow, but be persistent. Understand that she must walk on egg shells until her Ex decides to go away!

You sound like a great man with a level head so you will do fine.

Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Sissy

David from New Jersey, United States asks

A few months ago, October to be exact, a girl that i've known for a while asked me out.

We've always been good friends and have a lot in common and we then decided to start "going out." She is really family oriented and so is either doing something with them during the weekends or we are hanging out together with our friends.

Our friends don't know that we talked about going out yet. We see each other a lot but I don't really know how to approach her to ask if she want to go out because it is always around our other friends.

I could text her or aim her, that is how she asked me through aim, which I think could be a good method. I don't really know what to do at this point, do I ask her out properly or do I ask her out to do something casual? What should I do?

Sissy says

Hi David,

Certainly - ask her out. She is waiting and so are you!

I would find a moment and pull her aside and ask. You can then decide what to do together.

Good luck to you!

Sissy

Sheilla from OK, United States asks

If a person divorces a spouse who was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards them, as well as a severe alcoholic,can she remarry and not committ an act of adultry? Does she have to spend the rest of her life single without having someone to love her?

Sissy says

Hi Sheilla,

This answer is strictly my opinion, but I feel that a woman would have the right to find love again.

My interpretation of the Bible is that the man would be at fault for the breakup therefore allowing the women to live without the sin.

I know this is difficult and I found myself asking the same question after a bitter divorce with adultery for the entire marriage.

Good luck to you.

Sissy

Tonya from SC, United States asks

My inner self is telling me something is not right about a guy I decided to start a relationship with. He's 45 and I'm 30.

My question is, should I listen to what my inner self is telling me, or could it just be stress and should I continue on with a relationship with this man?

What I don't understand is, ok, he's from ny and i am from sc but he lives down here with family. I somewhat believe this but i've never visited where he lives as of yet.

We have only been dating for 4 months and he lives an hour from me. He has 4 grown kids. One of his children (the baby) lives here in sc with him because he wanted him to have a better life and go to college and the city wasn't a good place for him to do that ok which is understandable. But why does he go back and fouth to ny. Last month he said he had to go to ny because his mother was sick which was fine but I talked to him yesterday and he was on the train and told me he had to go to ny to handle court issues. He hadn't mentioned this before last night and surely he would have known about this month's or day's in advance.

Do you think he is hiding something?

Sissy says

Hi,

It does sound a little fishy to me as well. Maybe he was embarrased about the topic of court and did not want to bring it up. Most court appearances or legal issues are public record so do a little digging. I would be on guard and try to stay objective. Usually where there is smoke there is fire - so trust your instinct.

Good luck to you,

Sissy

Alice from WA, United States asks

I have a drop dead gorgeous girl friend who has never dated. She is the sweetest thing and everyone seems to love her. She graduated college at 21 and is working full time for a awesome company that pays well.

Yet how is it that a beautiful girl who loves the Lord, is outgoing, and confident is never asked out?

She has been told she is intimidating due to her beauty and adventuresome nature by her mentor friends. What do you think?

She has many friend who are guys, but none who are willing to ask her out on a date! (this I don't understand) What is your take on this?

Sissy says

Hello Alice,

It is difficult to say without knowing the young lady. While she seems to have everything going for her it could be the way that she comes across.

While beauty can be intimidating it generally does not stop dating entirely. So it could be as simple as that her actions, language or body language is intimidating the opposite sex.

It might be a good idea to look into a selp help (body laungage) book and see if that can give her any answers. There is one on this site called Body Language - The Key To Dating Success that might be able to help.

Good luck

Sissy

Tammy from Ontario, Canada asks

Hi Sissy,

Thankyou for answering to my first question about my children, it was very helpful.

Now i have another issue with my boyfriend. He is 45 years of age and we've been together off and on for almost three years now.

whats broken us up before was him taking his ex girlfriend to camp alone and going out of town where she lives to spend weekends with her and i told him this is not right. It makes me very uncomfortable and i feel like he is using me.

I do everything for this man buy him nice things,help him fix his car etc.

He tells me that he wants to be with me because its hard to find what we have together. We are good together. He was putting my weight down a lot telling me that he was used to thin women and that he likes japanese women.

His ex is 15 years older than him and has money and buys him exspensive gifts and I just don't think this is normal.

It doesn't bother me that he has female friends but theres a limit to this and he thinks taking his so called female friends out for dinner or movies etc is ok and I just don't .

He told me if I want to be with him I have to comprimise and I just don't see any comprimising here at all.

So what can i do with this situation as it hurts me when he does this to me?

Sissy says

Hi Tammy,

You need to cut him loose, quickly.

It sounds to me as if he is using you and having a relationship with his Ex. You do not spend weekends and camp together with people that you have had a sexual relationship with in the past.

As long as he is calling the shots you will be cheated on, expected to put down your son and be his once in a while girl.

Move on, you have a lot going for you and you deserve love.

Good luck to you and I wish you the best.

Sissy

Lily from CA, United States asks

Ok I have this friend who is 26. He is a very good friend and we always have fun hanging out. And yes I do have a crush on him.

We flirt all the time but it is always ALL talk. We can chat about literally anything. I can talk about guys and he won't bad mouth them and it is the same when he talks about girls. Sure of course there is a twinge of jealousy when someone tries to get in the picture, but I don't do anything about it. That is just not right. I want him to be happy.

I know I have to give it time if it is meant for me and him. Sometimes I feel that it is right there in front of us but both of us are blind to it.

Well I thought I would make a little effort on new years eve. My friends and I were out bowling having a lot of fun. I thought it would be cute and bought this cheesy mistletoe.

Last day out of the year to get away with something like that. My friends got a kick out of it. (FYI I am sober throughout this whole thing) I ran into him at the alley and he said he was going to have some people over at his house and that me and my friends were invited to come along.

Well I wanted to get there before midnight but my friends just took a little longer then I wanted them too. We got there just a matter of minutes afterwards when everyone is rushing outside to light off the firecrackers. I wanted to wish him a happy new year, just was a little too hard with so many people around. I finally was able to stop him in the kitchen and I had the mistletoe.

I thought it was a clever little trick to be able to kiss him and it did work. I felt very proud of myself that I took a little initiative and we went on with the evening like nothing had happened.

Well.... turns out, there was a girl that I didn't know was kind of with him. At first I thought it was one of these young little girls (teenagers) that do have a tendency to follow him around since he is attractive. Well that was until I saw them sitting on the couch holding hands and cuddling. I felt like such a fool. If I had known they were together that night I would not have tried anything.

So I told myself, "ok I have to back off, and let it be"

The next night I am at our Tuesday karaoke night which we always go to. He is there and the girl wasn't. We still continued to banter and flirt back and forth like nothing was different, because it wasn't and a few of us went back to his house since it was up the street.

While most were downstairs, I was alone with him upstairs and we were talking and I made the effort to apologize for the night before for kissing him not knowing he was technically there with someone. He told me not to be sorry since they weren't actually together and the girl was very needy, moving too fast and lives in Sacramento and had come up to see him just for the one night.

He also said that he thought it was very cute and that he had liked the kiss.

Now what I need to know is what should I do about this? Should I just let things take their course? Should I forget about it? Am I in the right to be feeling like this?

He is always telling me about these girls that like him but he doesn't really want to start anything with them, since his last relationship really hurt him.

When he does tell this to the girls and they seem to kind of leave the picture, not even wanting to be a friend, yet I know well enough to keep being his friend.

Do you think he is trying to tell me something and I am not taking it in the right way?

I don't really think he is trying to play me because he does look out for me and has not tried anything. I know this is very silly but it is still something on my mind.

Any advice would be great.

Sissy says

Hi Lily,

First, it is not silly at all, it sounds more like a lack of communication.

I would sit him down (without a ton of other people around) and speak frankly with him. He obviously has some feeling at some level or he would have pushed away the kiss or not invited you to his house quite as much.

He may be struggling to be sure of whether or not you like him as well. Have a sit down chat, tell him how you feel and see how he responds. That way there are no secrets, no misunderstandings, just the truth.

If he is interested it can be taken to the next level, if not you can move on to someone else!

Good luck!

Sissy

Tammy from Ontario, Canada asks

I am a 39 single mother of three beautiful children ages 11,14 and 17.

I am dating a man that has no kids and no siblings, He's 45.

He has a problem with my youngest child. He thinks hes a mammas boy.

My boyfriend doesn't like when he goes and sulks and cries in his room. He thinks this wrong and he has a problem. I told him that my kids have had me to themselves for 4 years before he came into the picture so hes probably showing some jelousy here.

I told him that every boy needs a man in his life and why can't he be the one.

My boyfriend says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but this gets in the way. He doesn't know how to handle the frustration he feels when my child acts this way.

I don't know what to tell him anymore.

Can you please give me some advice.

Sissy says

Hi Tammy,

I will say this as nicely as I possibly know how:

Your boyfriend needs to take inventory and realize that your child is not grown.

I am not sure why he sees fit to pass judgment or parental authority when he has no experience whatsoever.

My feelings are very strong when it comes to the safety and emotional well being of a child. This man needs to be told under no uncertain terms that your child is completely normal and if he doesn't like it he knows where the door is.

Your job as a mother is to nurture your child, not a boyfriend.

When you lay it on the line it will do one of two things, he will either run or it will open his eyes. He is grown, your child is not and you are all your child has.

Good luck to you and stick by your gut feeling!

Sissy

Stephanie from Ontario, Canada asks

What should young teens do for their first date?

Sissy says

Thanks for asking this great question!

There are a ton of things to do that will not cost a fortune. I have provided a couple of ideas to help you decide which is best but you can also check out the site's Creative Date Ideas section where Lee has written some articles on this topic.

- Picnic in the park - Board games - Movie and Pizza (at home) - Trail/mountain hike(or bicycling)

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Sissy

Brenda from Massachusetts, United States asks

I'm 16 yrs. old nd I have a huge crush on this boy and I know he has a crush on me too. But the problem is that he's a senior and im a sophomore, but we are the same age, but different.

I mean I like his personality, his friends and everything. It just scares me to know that if we start going out my life is going to completely change.

I just don't know what to do, help me please!

Sissy says

Hi Brenda,

I completely understand the fact that it may be scary for things to change as far as the relationship. That is a big step and one that should be taken slowly and day by day. You really didn't say exactly what would change and that would be something that you would need to pinpoint to help ease your mind.

For instances if you are afraid if your spare time will change, sexual activity, friends....etc. Think it through and take it slow - it will be ok. It sounds like you have a great deal of maturity on your side!

Good luck to you

Sissy

Brandon from Ontario, Canada asks

I've been flirting with this girl at my workplace a bit, until everyone at work realized we had a mutual like for each other.

One day we were kidding around during work and she asks me for my msn. I give it to her and when she adds me i hesitate to talk to her until i get a chance to at work. A few weeks later we work together on the same day although we havent seen each other in a while, and we have a fun time joking around. Then i finally suck it up and go on msn to ask her on a date, and for her number.

We talk a bit on the phone about the time and place of the date then we hang up and wait for that day.

The date was pretty quiet, but when I walked her home we had a fun time talking because I guess I loosened up a bit, and was being myself more.

However, a few days later we have a big party for work and everyone goes, I talked with her for a bit and then we all went to karaoke and she becomes a completely different person with her friends. I felt a bit left out and was silent for almost the entire night.

After that day I talked to her on msn, but the conversation ended up being pretty dull, and the next day at work she treated me a little differently and I don't think she has those feelings for me anymore.

However I really like her and I felt something that day on our date. I think she finds me dull or too shy, because it really seems that way.

What should I do?

Sissy says

Hi Brandon,

It sounds like the two of you are not having good luck communicating with one another. What you might do is just come right out and ask her on one of your MSN chat sessions. That way since you are shy it is not face to face.

Explain that you felt something on the date, but are not sure if she does or not. I bet she does and she is waiting on you to make another move - get steppin!!

Good luck and let me know!

Sissy

Meg from Florida, United States asks

There is a guy at my work who is amazing. I've known him for about 9 months and I have to say I like him alot! The only problem is that he has a girlfriend and I have never been in a relationship.

I'm 17 and he's 19. He flirts with me all the time and hugs me and tells me to drive safely and be careful so it makes me think he cares about me.

I really would love to be with him but I'm so confused right now and my Dad wants me to stay away from him. I haven't felt like this for someone for a really long time. I'm actually happy but I don't know what to do.

Should i just be friends with him or move on? Or should I wait for him?

Sissy says

Hi Meg,

I would not put myself in a waiting period for a man that has a girlfriend, but is flirting with someone else. Likely he will do the same to you if you started dating!!

I would make it known that you do not play second fiddle and see where that takes you. Too many fish in the sea to settle for one!

Seriously, have a frank talk with him and get his input, then make your decision from there.

Good luck and let me know!

Sissy

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