January 2009


Here are your questions for January 2009.

Skyler from Tennessee, United States asks

I have been single for a long time and nobody will go out with me. When I do like someone and ask them out they laugh and spread it around the school. What do I do?

Sissy says

Hi Skyler,

I am sorry that you are having a tough time. Unfortunately, sometimes people will follow others, like sheep. It doesnt make it right, but it happens. Is there another school in your area where you might be able to dip into a different dating pool?

You will have to forget these folks, as they are not worthy of you. There has to be someone in your age bracket that either goes to a different school, lives in a nearby town or something.

If you want to know the reason you might talk with one of your guy friends and ask them to uncover the mystery. It may be something simple or stupid (on their part not yours), which I am assuming it is. The only reason I suggest this is for your own piece of mind.

Good luck and please feel free to contact me any time

Sissy

Deborah from British Columbia, Canada asks

Dear Sissy,

I'm desperately infatuated with a delivery man (single)that comes to my office at work(a hospital). The women in my office say he's been around for a long time, and that he's really nice, friendly and sweet. I have been flirting with him and of course my face goes beet red so he should know by now that after 2 months of smiles and flirts that I like him.

During our last encounter I asked him how his Xmas was. He said he spent it like normal people do and that he had dinner over at his "wife's" house. (He has a teenage son who he spends lots of time with too. I paused quite a while before answering; I said "You mean EX-wife don't you?" And he said yes. (My friend/co-worker was in the same cubicle as me and she felt he had said that on purpose to test me.) Of course I showed a little jealousy, but he still smiled at me and continued talking.

For the past 2 months our brief encounters of a few minutes have been happy ones where we share a little info about each other and then make each other smile. I have a good sense of humour and he seems to like that.

Once I was leaving after work and I came out of the elevator laughing. He was ahead of me and went to his van parked out front; but he didn't touch the van at all but did a turn around so he could meet me (or at least look at me)before going in the opposite direction. Another time I had a coffee and was going up the elevator and he was getting in too. I said jokingly "oh you are so stuck in the elevator with me" and he smiled and said "Well, that's a good thing".

I hate being presumptious in thinking that this man likes me but it seems that from hours of reading that I've done on body language, I feel that he likes me. I sound like a teenager but I'm 51. I haven't dated since I was 24! I've been on my own for 5 years from a 22-year abuse marriage so I feel free like a bird and am making good money. Now I want a love life again. I adore this new man but I'm so afraid to ask him for coffee or give him my phone number in case he says no.

First of all, is he giving signs he likes me?

Second, how do I ask him out for coffee or give him my number, or should I just wait for him to ask me? Please help. You give out awesome advice.

Sissy says

Hi Deborah,

You sound like a breath of fresh air and so does Mr. Wonderful! I think he has made it clear that he is interested. Just casually mention the fact that you sure do like a particular type of coffee or whatever, and say would you like to join me? He may be shy and not sure if you are interested - go for it! I think you will be happy that you did!

Good luck and let me know what he says!

Sissy

Tamara from Illinois, United States asks

I am in such a dilemma, and I need your help. I met a guy about a year and a half ago at work. We really hit it off and have been good friends ever since. He is married, and his wife found out through the grapevine that we were friends(nothing happened, and we are not intimate). She doesn't believe that he should have female friends, so she changed his cell number, etc.

We no longer work together, but we still keep in touch. He calls my new job every so often to see how I'm doing, and vice versa. He talks to me about stuff thats going on with him, etc and I do the same.

His father died yesterday, and I feel really bad for him. I heard he was taking it hard, and though I want to be there for him I can't. His sister and I are really close, and she called me and told me about the death. I have sent my condolences through her, but I really want to know how he's doing. It would be so disrespectful to go by his family's house (of course his wife is by his side, I didnt give it a second thought), and I don't want to communicate through his sister.

This is a bad time and I don't want to start trouble, knowing how his wife feels about our friendship. My friends and others we used to work with told me to just pray for him, and say my condolences at the funeral which I do plan to attend. They are suggesting that I try not to contact him right now. I know he has support of his wife and family, dont get me wrong. But I want him to know I care, even though He hasn't heard from me.

Please don't give me the 'married man' lecture. We are friends. I'm hurting for him right, now and I want him to know I care. What do I do?

Sissy says

Hi Tamara,

If you are only friends, why would you not contact him? I understand that you do not want to make trouble and I respect you for that. That tells me that you care about him and the well being of his family. I think you should send a plant, or card expressing your sympathy. When he is ready to talk, he will contact you. His sister has already told him that you are concerned for him, so he knows!

Good luck to you and let me know if I can do anything else for you.

Sissy

Lauren from United Kingdom asks

Hi Sissy im looking all over the net for answers to this lol, having some trouble knowing if this guy's interested or not.

We've never spoken, he doesn't really STARE but he always looks my way for a second sometimes longer and there was this one time he looked at me when he thought I couldn't see but the thing there was that I did look a bit weird, I was just lingering and maybe that was why and I haven't noticed any other body language.

The thing is though I like him as well but I've been ignoring these looks cause I have anxiety issues, rejection pride, stuff like that. I haven't been catching his eye at all, guess he's been at it for a while first time I saw him I had the feeling out the corner of my eye you know and lately he's drastically reduced this eye-contact and now I'm all oh I REALLY want you now and I'm so confused about it all.

Is this why he's stopped and was he even interested in the first place??

Sissy says

Hi Lauren,

Anyone that stares like that is interested! I wouldnt worry too much about the rejection thing, because he is making overt actions to let you know he is interested. Strike up a conversation and see what happens! I definitely think he is interested!! If you are really attracted - let him know!!

Good luck

Sissy

Cody from Ohio, United States asks

I have known this girl for about a year now. We'll call her "Lucy". She is 22 and I am 24. We have a lot in common and I find myself wanting to move beyond the friendship label.

She recently admitted to me that she has wondered what would have happened if we had dated but says she doesnt want to pursue that avenue. Everyone else who is around us says that Lucy and I seem like we are dating because of how we act around each other. I am constantly having people ask me what the deal between Lucy and I is. Even a girl I have liked for about 4 years couldnt make me stop thinking about this girl.

I really want to move on to an actual relationship with her but I am getting mixed signals from her and I dont want to make the wrong move and not only get rejected but also lose a good friend, yet I dont want to pass up an opportunity with someone who is so wonderful. What should I do?

Sissy says

Cody,

This is classic friend turned relationship or friend, tried relationship, lost friend scenario!

It is tough to say because I am not sure why she doesnt want to pursue the avenue. Has she given you any indication as to why she would not want the relationship to move that direction? If I were you, I would have a sit down serious conversation. Ask her why she would wonder, but not be willing to move forward. You really need this information before you make any moves. It could be a number of things, not intersted, not attracted, afraid of losing your friendship, or maybe she is unsure that you are really interested. Just ask her and then we will reasses the situation!

Good luck and I am here to help whenever you need

Sissy

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