March 2008


Here are your questions for March 2008.

Alan from Australia asks

I'd like to know how to handle a long distance relationship that has just started ... this lady is beautiful in everyway and i don't want to lose her but i need to know what to say and how to keep her interested in me over the next 4 months or so we are apart.?

we chat, talk and email each other and she keeps saying she loves me and wants me to be her husband but its the same chat everytime i call her.

How do i get her to answer my questions more and be more open?

Sissy says

Hi Alan,

You sound like a charming and caring person. How sweet it is to hear of a man working so hard at a relationship.

Really I do not believe that you have a worry - you are conscious of keeping a "good" relationship and that carries a great deal of credit by itself!

Keep talking regularly and another thing that women really love is sweet little notes(by snail mail)!

Good luck and keep me posted!

Sissy

Breeanna from Mississippi, United States asks

Dear Sissy,

I am 14 and my boyfriend is 16. My mother approved of this relationship because she knows his family well. Out of the few boyfriends I've had, he is THE ONLY ONE who I've even thought about having sex with. But my mother told us the only way we could stay together would be if I kept my virginity.

I'm having thoughts day and night about us "doing the deed". I really want to and we've talked about it. But he's experienced! He's even told me that we could (ONLY IF I WANTED TO AND FELT COMFORTABLE). That makes me want to do it more and more. Except I'm scared of the pain and where our relationship is going to head.

I need some help because I actually think I'm ready.

Sissy says

Hi Breeanna,

This is a situation that many girls your age and much older are faced with. I know that it can be difficult to remain a virgin, but with considerations of disease, pregnancy and the after math it is really best to wait.

Also, your mother has already said that you must refrain from sex and it's worth considering that your boyfriend could go to jail in some areas/states?

It really is not worth it at this point. Talk with your mother, friend or other trusted female and let them guide you through dealing with the feelings.

Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

Sissy

Shane from FL, United States asks

I need some help with this girl I've met at work. I really enjoy being around her. She's sweet, funny and pretty. Everything I need in a girl.

We went out on a date a while ago and had a great time. Through a series of unfortunate events, our schedules conflict and we haven't gone on a second date since then. However, I often see her around campus and walk with her to her classes.

At work we flirt a lot with each other, whether we're right next to each other or making eye contact and smiling to the other across the room. When we work together and our shifts overlap we take our break when the other person leaves so we can walk them out. And we talk nightly for hours.

She knows I have feelings for her, and she said she has them for me. We're not dating but merely testing the waters to make sure we're right for each other. It seems like everything is going good... WRONG!

Here's my dilemma: I honestly have no idea how to move this "relationship" forward. This is the first time I've felt this clueless about a girl before. The most physical contact we get is hugging. No kissing and I've never even held her hand!

It seems like I can never ever figure out the right time to make a physical move with her... It just feels awkward for the BOTH of us. Awkward moments all around.

Basically, what I'm trying to ask is how can I make us both seem comfortable to further this puppy-love relationship. What can I do to raise our comfort levels so that it just feels natural for the both of us?

Sissy says

Hi Shane,

Comfort in a relationship comes with time and experience with that person. You might try and talk on the phone or other verbal communication to help get to know one another better. You may also want to look into the ebooks that are offered on the site as they help with self confidence, breaking the ice and moving a relationship forward.

Good luck to you,

Sissy

Kat from Ontario, Canada asks

I ran into this guy like 2 weeks ago that I used to go to elementary school with, we exchanged numbers and he called me 2 days later. He came over to my house and chilled for a bit a few days later, he kissed me and told me how cute he thinks I am. He came over again the next day and we made out quite a bit, he was saying things like I'm beautiful, where did I come from, I'm "something else".

Anyway, that night the headlights blew in his car so he couldn't drive at night anymore. We continued to text each other everyday, he was saying how he missed me but sometimes he wouldn't reply to my texts.

So He told me he was getting his car fixed on Tuesday and I never heard from him all day or night. I got a message from him on facebook the next day saying hes sorry he didnt txt me, he has been sick and sleeping it off. I said it was okay and if he was feeling better to call me later. He said he would call me in a bit, he never did.

I get the feeling hes not interested as much anymore, but I'm not sure. He is sending mixed signals.

Any Advice?

Sissy says

Hi Kat,

Make yourself unavailable for a couple of calls, texts or other communication from him. This may spark his interest and also lead him to believe that you will not wait around on him!

Give him a chance but if it continues I would move on.

Good luck,

Sissy

Debbie from Harare, Zimbabwe asks

I am a 27 yr old lady, single and never married. I am going out with a 34 year old divorced man with a child and I just wanted to know the complications associated with dating someone divorced with a kid.

Sissy says

Hi Debbie,

I can speak from experience with this one!!

Not all relationships with children from a previous relationship are doomed. They can be very good and healthy but both people must ensure jealousy does not ruin the relationship.

You must remain the adult and understand that children go through stages and sometimes feel like a new boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to steal their parent. Read some books, websites or visit someone with step children to learn the ins and outs!

I do believe that if you truly love someone it will work!

Good luck and let me know how it all turns out,

Sissy

Petal from California, United States asks

When you like a guy and have known him for 10 years, and you know that he doesn't like you back (not in that matter anyway), what would you do? :[

Sissy says

Hi Petal,

That can be a frustrating and heart breaking dilemma. Sometimes it is very difficult to remain friends or associates because the pain is so tough.

If you can accept that your relationship will never go any further and it does not affect your life or your future relationships then you can continue, but if you are having trouble, difficulty or resentment you may have to limit the time you spend together.

Try speaking bluntly to him to make sure that you are correct in your assumptions.

Good luck,

Sissy

Chris from Michigan, United States asks

Dear Sissy,

I'm a guy in his early 30s getting back on the dating scene after a few years. So I've signed on to a few online dating sites, joined a gym and in general am trying to meet women, and I've discovered that most of the women my age are single mothers out there who are looking for someone reliable, dependable, mature, and especially nice.

This really ticks me off, since I was the proverbial nice guy in high school on up, and I was passed over a LOT of times before I found someone that wanted to date me. Now that I'm apparently what women are searching for, it seems that I have to settle for not only the complications of dealing with a woman's kids and her ex, but also with the fact that I have to settle for being third place romantically, with her kids being first and her ex being second. It does make me feel bitter.

I've talked with my friends about this, and I've gotten the response that

a.) at my age single moms are all that's out there so accept it, which seems fatalistic and

b.) I've had relationships that didn't work out, so be forgiving.

So I guess, my question is this--am I wrong for thinking I'm getting the short end of the stick by having to date a single mom? I'm trying to think of how I'm not getting screwed over in some way by dating them.

Sissy says

HI Chris,

I understand where you are coming from, but believe it or not there is something that they would have to settle with from you as well. I don't mean that to be ugly, but no one is perfect and we all have to live among others.

Reading between the lines I feel that you need to resolve the anger from past relationships before venturing into another. Plus not every woman in your age range is with child and ex- husband (your not - so there are women out there)!

After my divorce I was very bitter toward men, but really did not realize it until a 3rd party pointed it out - it made me mad at first, but I took it to heart (silently) resolved my anger and found the man of my dreams! Keep looking and give yourself some time to have some fun.

Good luck and I know that you will be successful. You are honest and level headed - plus a nice guy - you have a ton going for you!

Sissy

Dayna from Texas, United States asks

My boyfriend says he has a flirting problem, while he is still with me, and i think it's somthing he wants to stop, he feels bad and i can tell, he's only twenty, is this normal?

Sissy says

Hi Dayna,

Flirting is a normal part of life, however when it becomes a problem for the other mate it is time to stop. Sometimes showing them how it feels is the best medicine!

Good luck,

Sissy

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