Mike from CA, United States asks
This is complicated. I appoligize in advance for the length of this.
I have been married to my wife for 10 years and we dated two years ahead of that. We are totally oppostite from each other and we both fell hard for each other (me first). Over the past 12 years I have worked very hard to provide everything for her. I have not felt that I got much in return other than being with her, etc. We now have two kids, 9 and 3. In the process she
also wanted to buy a business which I did for her. Not only has this supposedly been her project, but I, in addition to my regular full time job, find myself working at her business every weekend doing manual labor (my regular job is in an executive capacity in an office) the books, taxes, and being her consultant. However her sucesss is all hers and no credit is given to me.
Over the term of the relationship, I have felt taken advantage of since all of my work and things that I provide for her have received no credit. About 3 years ago, while she was pregnant with our daughter (and really, really, taking advantage of me), I turned to the internet and email flirting. In a way I was rebelling and venting. I did not meet anyone in person and a lot
of what I was saying was in a chat group with multiple individuals in the group, none of whom I even spoke to over the phone.
She went through the history on the computer and caught my actions. She took it very personally and basically has fallen out of love with me as a result.
In the mean time she now has a "friend" that is in the process of divorcing his wife. I don't know the frequency but I do think that they talk a lot about both her and his problems. This has allowed them to get close.
She nows wants to move out so that she has time to think. She wants to continue all the financial obligations that we have as if nothing is different, she'll just be out of the house. Her point is that she loves me but is not IN love with me and doesn't know if she can forgive my actions. I blame this on both myself and the way she has treated me to get me to that point. I know that we have become comfortable and lazy with each other and I am trying to make every attempt to treat her as if we were dating.
If she never gave me credit for trying so hard all these years, will she ever? I still love her more than ever, that has not changed. I am still in love with her even though she is putting me through hell at this point and has a "friend."
I also love my family and don't want my kids hurt in any way. What can I do other than just support her decision to move out, financially and emotionally, and wait?
I am sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds to me that there have been problems for many years that have gone unresolved. At this point it is probably best to move on. She is having a relationship with another man, whether it be communication or physical it is still a relationship. Are you
ok with that?
It also sounds to me that she doesn't respect you or your feelings. You should be given credit for the things that you have done as well. What you did was wrong by chatting with others, but it didn't give her the right to start a relationship with others.
The marriage could possibly be saved if both of you committed to making it work. The outside relationships and chat would have to cease immediately though!
I would suggest some counseling of some sort to help the two of you sort out your problems! Communication between the two of you would have to start as well. You both owe those children respect and need to stop disrespecting them and yourselves with your actions!
Sit her down, talk to her and tell her that you want to make it work!
Please let me know if I can help either one of you further!