March 2009


Here are your questions for March 2009.

Jude from NC, United States asks

Yo Sissy,

My name's Jude, I have like this huge crush on this chick in my latin class, but I already have a girlfriend. She really gets under my skin and to be honest I'm not really attracted to her.

Last year she asked me out and some of her friends bugged me about it until I said yes. It's not that I haven't been able to break up with her, it's just that I never get around to it. So the other day she asked me why I always stare at the girl that I like and I kinda said by accident that things weren't really working between us. AND of course she started crying after class and ran into the bathroom and threw up, and told all her friends how much of a jerk I am.

We made up but now I feel like I'll never get out of this relationship, but then I guess since I'm a junior and she's a sophmore we'll have to split up sometime. How do I get out of this terrible relationship?

Sissy says

Hi Jude

Sorry to hear! Aww, the girl drama - drives me crazy and I am female - LOL!

Really you sound like a great guy because you are thinking of her feelings. However, it is great to be sensitive and be emphatic, but you need to make YOU happy. Just tell her that you are not happy and she will get over it. If her friends believe that you are a jerk because you are not happy with her then they are not friends (or realistic) anyway!

Life is about change and the sooner that she learns that the better! Make yourself happy my dear, tell her goodbye very gently and tell her it is not personal, just your not ready to settle down to one!

Good luck to you!

Sissy

Mike from CA, United States asks

Sissy,

This is complicated. I appoligize in advance for the length of this.

I have been married to my wife for 10 years and we dated two years ahead of that. We are totally oppostite from each other and we both fell hard for each other (me first). Over the past 12 years I have worked very hard to provide everything for her. I have not felt that I got much in return other than being with her, etc. We now have two kids, 9 and 3. In the process she also wanted to buy a business which I did for her. Not only has this supposedly been her project, but I, in addition to my regular full time job, find myself working at her business every weekend doing manual labor (my regular job is in an executive capacity in an office) the books, taxes, and being her consultant. However her sucesss is all hers and no credit is given to me.

Over the term of the relationship, I have felt taken advantage of since all of my work and things that I provide for her have received no credit. About 3 years ago, while she was pregnant with our daughter (and really, really, taking advantage of me), I turned to the internet and email flirting. In a way I was rebelling and venting. I did not meet anyone in person and a lot of what I was saying was in a chat group with multiple individuals in the group, none of whom I even spoke to over the phone.

She went through the history on the computer and caught my actions. She took it very personally and basically has fallen out of love with me as a result.

In the mean time she now has a "friend" that is in the process of divorcing his wife. I don't know the frequency but I do think that they talk a lot about both her and his problems. This has allowed them to get close.

She nows wants to move out so that she has time to think. She wants to continue all the financial obligations that we have as if nothing is different, she'll just be out of the house. Her point is that she loves me but is not IN love with me and doesn't know if she can forgive my actions. I blame this on both myself and the way she has treated me to get me to that point. I know that we have become comfortable and lazy with each other and I am trying to make every attempt to treat her as if we were dating.

If she never gave me credit for trying so hard all these years, will she ever? I still love her more than ever, that has not changed. I am still in love with her even though she is putting me through hell at this point and has a "friend."

I also love my family and don't want my kids hurt in any way. What can I do other than just support her decision to move out, financially and emotionally, and wait?

Sissy says

Hi Mike,

I am sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds to me that there have been problems for many years that have gone unresolved. At this point it is probably best to move on. She is having a relationship with another man, whether it be communication or physical it is still a relationship. Are you ok with that?

It also sounds to me that she doesn't respect you or your feelings. You should be given credit for the things that you have done as well. What you did was wrong by chatting with others, but it didn't give her the right to start a relationship with others.

The marriage could possibly be saved if both of you committed to making it work. The outside relationships and chat would have to cease immediately though!

I would suggest some counseling of some sort to help the two of you sort out your problems! Communication between the two of you would have to start as well. You both owe those children respect and need to stop disrespecting them and yourselves with your actions!

Sit her down, talk to her and tell her that you want to make it work!

Please let me know if I can help either one of you further!

Sissy

Geoff from Kansas, United States asks

Well there's this girl at my school and I like her. I got her number but it's really hard me for me to talk to her because I never have anything to talk about. When she calls me what should I talk about?

Sissy says

Hi Geoff,

Shyness is one of the most common problems in dating! Start reading the local newspaper, watching the news and keep up with a particular sports team - this information makes for good conversation. Also keep up with upcoming events and what is going on around your school.

Don't forget to ask her about how her day was, what she has been up to, and plans for the future!

There are a few articles on this website which look at conversation topics and ice breakers so take some time to have a look around and see what ideas you can find.

Good luck and let me know!

Sissy

Taniisha from Quebec, Canada asks

My crush is a friend of mine. He did a sort of strip dance in front of me after our friends dared him to. He wasn't comfortable doing it in front of me. He even said, to them "you don't understand, this is pressure" after they pushed him, but he did it and at the end, he fell on the ground under the pressure.

Plus he keeps looking at me, defending me, teasing me in a flirty way and he hates being on my bad side. He offers me rides sometimes too. He notices instantly when something is wrong, when I'm down when my besties don't.

Does he like me or does he like me only as a friend?

Sissy says

Hi Taniisha,

I would say that he is definitely interested! I think he does like you, just start a conversation with him and work it to the conversation of dating!

Good luck

Sissy

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