May 2008


Here are your questions for May 2008.

Sarah from Virginia, United States asks

Here it goes; my best friends K and J recently broke up (they're still friends though) and K pulled me aside the other day and said she had to talk to me.

She told me J likes me. She said he's always loved me and i've known him 11 years, since kindergarden, and i never noticed.

Eveyone knew but me. She said i'm the only one she'll let date him right now. we've always called each other siblings. i've always loved J but i never stopped to think in what way...help me please!

Sissy says

Hi Sarah,

It is not common to have a love for someone that you have been around for many years; however, I believe that you should have had some inkling by now. Is it possible that your love for him is not in a "relationship" way.

Certainly before you jump into a "couples relationship" with him you need to make sure that you have those type of feelings. Remember that once you have a dating relationship it is next to impossible to return to just friends. Do some soul searching to make your decision.

Good luck.

Sissy

Dee from SC, United States asks

I am 32 and my boyfriend has been wanting to be engaged for about 3 and 1/2 of the 4 years we've been dating. I keep putting him off because I feel scared. It's not him because I know that he is the one and that I want to marry him some day and have a family, but how do I know if I am ready?

I am getting old, but the thought of marriage and motherhood scares me even though it's something that I want.

Sissy says

Hi Dee,

You can know someone is the right one for you, but not want to take the next step. I think that you are being very smart and thinking about your future, without jumping into something.

You do not say how old you are, but I would not worry about that! Women are spending time getting their education, having fun and spending quality time alone before settling into marriage or motherhood.

Enjoy your time and if Mr. Right loves you he will understand and wait for you! Be sure to explain your feelings to him though - tell him that he is Mr. Right; you are just not ready for marriage!

Good luck to you

Sissy

Chris from California, United States asks

How long should you date someone before you should expect a relationship or some kind of commitment?

Sissy says

Hi Chris,

This is difficult to answer because sometimes people go for years and then you have some relationships that progress over a couple of months.

I would say that a commitment or some type of spoken word should take place within the first 6 months or so. Now if you are speaking of commitment such as marriage I believe that a 2 year mark is a good indicator.

Hope this helps

Sissy

Ryan from MI, United States asks

Theres this girl at scool that I like and I get really nervous around her. I dont know what to say or how to start a conversation up. We small talked a couple of times, and I think she might like me because of how she acts and she always gives me a little smile but I just never know what to say because I'm a really shy individual.

So my questions are as follows:

1. Whats a good way to start a good coversation and how do I keep that conversation going?( this is the part im really bad at).

2. How can I tell if she likes me back?

3. What are the signs I should look out for if she does/doesnt like me?

4. How/when should I ask her out if I think she likes me?

5. Where should I take her?

6. What are some good conversation tips.

7. If she does go out with me how do i get her to find me interesting and not appear stupid?

I appreciate any and all advice.

Sissy says

Hi Ryan,

I understand your feelings and it sounds like you are on the verge of breaking free of that "shy" hold that takes over so many people. I will now focus on answering your questions:

What are the signs I should look out for if she does/doesnt like me? How can i tell if she likes me back?

When you walk into the room or approach her direction if she seems warm and inviting it is a good sign that she is interested. Gestures such as open arms (not crossed), facing your direction, smiling etc are good signs. Things that would not be good signs are if she turned away without smiling or seemed to avoid you.

How/when should I ask her out if I think she likes me?

You will have to watch for the right opportunity. It may be that you walk her way and casually speak to her the first time or so. After that you might say a few more words (pretty day, too windy today, ...) Lead into a conversation slowly - as that will do a couple of things. 1. increase your comfort 2. help break the ice with her. After you have done those things it is a matter of walking up and saying would you like to go out, get a bite to eat or catch a movie. If you just cant bring yourself to speak the words write a note and hand it to her (walk off but make sure you have included contact info).

Where should I take her?

It's hard to say because I am not sure of whether you live in a big or small town. A movie, dinner or sports type date (bowling, tennis...) are always safe bets.

What are some good conversation tips?

Talk about things that are common to the both of you. Local news, happenings, school, teachers, construction in the area, upcoming events, plans/goals... Plan this ahead and even rehearse.

If she does go out with me how do i get her to find me interesting and not apear stupid?

I am not sure it is possible for you to appear stupid, because you are very well articulated and a bright individual. Rehearse conversation and go over possible happenings, comments and other things that could be spoken or happen on the date. It will help ease your mind and prepare you. Also remember she will probably be nervous too! Try to make her feel comfortable and just go with the flow!!

I hope this helps you and good luck! Let me know how it goes!

Sissy

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