Elizabeth from California, United States asks
Well, I've been dating my high school sweetie(we're both the same age, 20) for about 3 years, and I broke up with him just
recently. Reason being, he never wanted to be around me as much as he use to, put me down with a lot of negative words, got into a lot of fights, and so on. We have probably been in that state for the past year.
Of course, we had our good times as well, but I was just
overwhelmed with what he did that finally pushed me to the edge to break up with him. I think the final push was when we were going out to have lunch. He was driving and when he turned into a parking spot, he drove in too fast and hit the pillar and scraped his bumper. To ease his pain, he turned to me and says, "my mom was right, you are bad luck."
He has a really big ego, and refuses to talk to me about how he feels. His mom also really hates me and I dont know for what reason. Could it be because of our different race? I'm Filipina and he is Chinese. Or maybe its just because she doesnt like the idea of her only son growing up and having another women in his life. He also comes from a depressed family, where his dad likes to gamble and his mom seems to take out her anger on her children. I thought, enough was enough, and I decided to move on.
Soon after the break up, another guy has already emerged in my life. He too has gotten out of a similar relationship to mine, only his lasted for about 10 years. He is much older than me, he's 28 right now. Does age really matter in a relationship? I thought not, so I decided to get to know him better. Turns out that he is really such a nice, sweet, caring, and understanding kind of person. I know that I've recently just met him, and I
still have a lot to learn about, but I really like what I see. I can imagine having a nice steady relationship with this guy and not worry about anything at all.
My parents have already met him, and think that he is the most
"perfect" guy ever. He takes out the garbage without being told, helps around the kitchen when my mom is cooking, washes the dishes after every meal, and even has the courage to strike up conversations with my dad. He was raised with good work ethics and is a socialite. What amazes me more, is that he really knows how to get along with my younger brother who is seven years old. My ex hated being around my brother.
Anyway, this new gentleman is half white and half chinese, and his family is really kind. It reminds me of my own environment while growing up. I felt easily accepted into their family and
we also have the same religion. (My ex didnt believe in my religion and and said that I can never change his mind.) He is
really amazing, and he treats my entire family so well, but he never really finished college, and I don't know if he'll ever go back. (my ex attends one of the most hardest to enter universities in California and is attempting to become a pharmacist.)
He also talked to my parents about dating me. My parents really like how he's old fashioned and respects the entire family.
We aren't dating yet, but I think he wants to start dating soon.
But during the past 3 days, my ex has finally been pouring his heart out tome and telling me how he truely feels. He says that he is really sorry and that he knows he was wrong in the relationship and wants to start over again. He says that he understands all his wrongdoings and said that he never opened up to me before because he didnt want me to worry over his
He says that out of concern for me, he kept me out of his own
heart. I responded to that with, "why now? why tell me all this now? Is it because you're afraid that you lost someone who once cared so deeply about you? Or is it because you really do love me?" He says it's because he does love me, but is he just saying that to get me back? He said that he'll give me his heart and soul, and that he'll be more affectionate. And that his mom
was sorry for "pushing" me away, and being so mean towards me.
As much as I want to get back to him, how am I really sure that the relationship would last? I keep thinking that it's only going to be good for the next few months, and then everything is going to be back the way it use to be. But I've also never
seen him act this way before, I think that maybe he really has changed for the better.
A few days ago, I told them both that I've decided to stay single for awhile and that I needed my space, which I think they both took okay. I recently invited the new gentleman to a family gathering of mine and my relatives enjoyed talking to him and
wouldnt stop with the compliments when he left later that night.
They think that he is too good to be true and my parents were even joking around that he is already their son-in-law! He even cooked for our family, helped clean up, and was just really a family-oriented kind of guy. It really made me happy to know that he is a family man.
But last night, my ex called me on the phone, and started pouring his heart out to me again. He was telling me that he missed and loved me so much that he's going crazy. He says that he's willing to do anything and everything just to have me back in his life. He imagines the future together and even dreams that we are happy together like how we use to be. He says that he has faith that we'll be happy together if I gave him a second chance. He says he wont give me up until I've completely moved on, and until then, he's going to continue telling me that he misses me. Then he started crying, something he says he never does, and it wasnt just tears running down his face, it was all out crying. I didn't know what to say while he was telling me all this, so I started crying too. I keep thinking to myself, why tell me all this now..
I don't know what to do!
I am sorry that you feel stuck in the middle and are confused! I think you can easily solve this one by asking yourself these questions:
What happened last time you and your Ex called it quits?
When you got back together did he change?
Treat you with respect?
Now think about this, if you would have met this new beau during the last breakup and would have dumped him for your Ex, you would be alone right now! History repeats itself and people do not easily change their behavior, so stick with the new one and
tell your Ex to take a hike! He had his chance!
Good luck and let us know how it all goes!