October 2008


Here are your questions for October 2008.

Patrina from SC, United States asks

Dear Sissy,

This is a long story so please bare with me and get comfortable. It all started last week when I started packing for me and my brothers' yearly trip. My 4 brothers and I always go on a road trip around this time of year, we go to a different place every year, and it's great fun especially when we get to skip a whole week of school!

Sometimes we'll invite friends to come with us, so I invited a boy that I've been crushing on. Well we went clubbing that week in Las Vegas, yes I'm 18 (senior in highschool). The ride there and in the hotel we really hit it off, then at the club he kept avoiding me and acting like he didn't even know me.

This is the wierd part, we went back to the hotel and he kept touching my butt and trying to get me in bed and stuff. The whole car ride home we fought about stuff that had no relevance to what had happened, like he was just making excuses to get at me.

Does he still like me? Did he ever like me at all? Do we have a chance?

Sissy says

Hi Patrina,

In order to better understand, what was he doing in the club when he acted like he didn't know you?

Was he looking for other girls (as that would be my guess)?

Then when you made it back to the hotel he was friendly enough to try and get you in bed. I'm sorry girlfriend, but I would kick him to the curb. If I'm not good enough to be on your arm in public, you wont be getting any action from me later in the night!

Move on and find you someone that respects you and wants a relationship regardless of whether it is in public or private!

Good luck to you

Sissy

Sadie from Florida, United States asks

My boyfriend and I were going for 8 1/2 years we had our ups and downs, but what relationship doesn't. When we had our son he finally realized that he wasn't happy and wanted to leave the relationship. I didn't stop him because I'm not going to force anyone to be with me. And deep down, I knew I wasn't happy either. We've managed to stay friends (I think we were better off as friends).

18 months after we split we took a trip together and on this trip we began reminiscing about the past. One thing led to another and we slept together. After this, we both realized that the feelings were still there and we wanted to give our relationship another chance.

He wants us to get married and be a family. He said he can't imagine a life without me and our son. I feel the same way. Being in a relationship for such a long time it's hard to imagine anyone else. However, I won't limit my future happiness for settling for what is comfortable.

In our relationship he had this so called friend and I always suspected it was something more, but of course being a man he denied it so I just left it alone. But recently I found some emails from this so called friend. In one of emails she is asking him "why do you cheat?" Apparently, she caught him picking up another woman from the airport when he was supposed to be fishing with a friend. She goes on saying how she thought it was only the two of them now running on confessing her love for him and blah blah blah.

When I confronted him he still denies the relationship. My God he sounds so convincing, you want to believe he is telling the truth. (I swear if nominated for an Oscar for best actor he would win hands down). I can protect myself from many things, but never a liar!

Seriously, before I give this relationship a second chance I want to know - NO - I need to know, the truth between him and this so called friend. So I decided to call her and ask her (woman to woman) about their relationship. I got her voicemail and I left a peaceful message asking her to call me back. She never did.

I told him about it, he told me he already knew because she told him. He said she said that she doesn't feel the need to call me back. I got upset because I felt it wasn't my job to get to the bottom of this. So I made a demand (after all HE was the one who asked me previously what could he do, in order for me to marry him). I told him I wanted him to tell this so called friend in my presence (whether by phone or in person) that we are going to give our relationship a second chance and he has to cut all ties with her.

He agreed and said it will be better if we do it over the phone. But he doesn't want her to know that I will be on the phone too. His reason was if she knows she will hang up and not talk. I was hesitant but hey, I just wanted to get this situation cleared up so I or we could move on. When it came down to it, he told me he was going to call her and prep her. Again hesitant, I agreed.

About an hour later he called telling me he told her already and she said she understands and she will stay away and that there is no need for ME to call her. I told him that was UNACCEPTABLE. How do I know if he actually called her. It's just a bunch of he said, she said crap.

I must admit I do love this man (he is a great lover, a great provider and a great father) and I do want us to be a family. But I refuse to enter in a relationship (marriage) with any doubts or insecurities. To me, marriage is not glorified dating, it's a relationship different from all the others - it's an entire lifestyle.

The act of getting married says I chose this one unique being to share everything with me for the rest of my life. I'm sorry I want it all. I want someone who is willing to give me everything (jump through fire if he has to) I don't want half of a man. Anything less is just settling. For my son's sake I need to make educated decisions about my life. Weighing the pros and cons and coming to the best solution for us (my son and I).

I need to feel that all of my questions have been answered truthfully. If its not, it will only create lingering suspicions, making it difficult to move ahead. I need him to recognize, understand and acknowledge what I'm feeling and going through.

Until we can face the truth together there can be no resolution or rebuilding. Should I stand by my demand or should I just cut my losses and get out while I can, because every moment I stay with him is another moment I'm losing from Mr. Right.

Sissy says

Hi Sadie,

Your story struck a nerve with me, probably because once upon a time I had a relationship with a man that was all to convincing. They can sale you ocean front property in Arizona!

Really, I believe that until he can fess up and grow up, you need to move on. You know how he is, so if you involve yourself in a relationship you are signing up for cheating, lying and maybe a good roll in the hay, but is it worth it?

Give him some time, maybe he will mature and learn that lying is never the solution. If I were you I would move on, I am verrrrry happy that I did, the man that I was involved with is still the same today as he was back then!

Good luck and let me know if I can help you again.

Sissy

Faith from AL, United States asks

Ok I'm still in high school and there is this guy I like. we used to text all the time about PERSONAL stuff until one of my friends was hanging out with him and we started talking about how I like him and she put me on speaker phone and now he knows that I like him, but i'm acting like I dont know that he knows that I like him.

I really want to tell him how I feel but I dont know how!! what do I do?

Sissy says

Hi Faith,

If you just cant bring yourself to tell him face to face, send him a text! Since you used to text all the time, that door is open to you. I would not put great detail in an email or text, but just let him know that you are interested and want to know if he is.

Good luck, let me know what happens.

Sissy

Carson from NY, United States asks

Hi my name is Carson(yes I'm a GIRL)I've been having this flirting relationship with this guy. I really like him and I know he likes me, but recently he started a rumor about one of my friends and told her that I did it.

He's a real joker but that wasn't funny, she forgave me none-the-less, but I don't know how to feel. I cursed at him after I found out what he did, and now my brother's giving him death glares because he saw him trip me in the hall during this argument.

Now he seems really depressed whenever he comes around me, although I've seen him laughing with friends when I'm not around, I just don't think I can forgive him.

However here's a plus, a guy that I really like saw us fighting(He thinks that I'm dating this other guy) and he heard me tell him "It's over" so maybe this has opened a door and he'll ask me out! But I'm still totally unsure of what I'm supposed to do since this is my very first highschool drama!

Please help.

Much Love,

Carry

Sissy says

Hi Carson,

I certainly would not be too concerned with his feelings, as he was not about yours! He did however, apologize so you may not forget, but you should forgive.

As for the other guy, maybe that will turn into something for you. See out of something bad, sometimes comes another opportunity.

My mother always says, "when one door closes, another door opens". Good luck and let me know how it all turns out!

Sissy

Jessica from Florida, United States asks

I just gave this guy that I like a note. In the note I said I think your cute and want to know if your interested. I also gave him my number just in case. It said text me but i'm not gonna hold him to that. I don't know if he feels the same way that I do. I go back to school on monday so what should I do next? Talk to him?

please help me

Sissy says

Hi Jessica,

I would let him make the next move. You told him how you feel and what to do if he is interested. You gave him the information and now it is his turn. If he does show interest then take it from there, but I would not continue pursuing if he shows no interest! Good luck and let me know if I can help again.

Ps. - don't necessarily ignore him, it certainly would not hurt to try and strike up a conversation. If you can find the courage, you might ask, so what did you think about the note?

Sissy

Anonymous from Western Cape, South Africa asks

Sissy, im 16, and I'm totally in love with my friend. She's admitted that she used to like me, but i dont know currently.

I dont think she still likes me, but then agian she's EXTREMELY shy, and so am I. just want to know what I should do, because I really love her, and it has nothing to do with looks.

Sissy says

Hello,

I think that the best course of action is to take the relationship slow or one day at a time. With individuals, who are shy, the smallest gesture can let them know that you care.

If you cant come out and ask for a date, then send an email, text or ask over the phone. That will work for the initial date, but don't do it every time, as it is too impersonal.

Breaking the ice is the hardest part and not having to do that face to face really helps.

Be sure and think of things ahead of time to talk about, even practice. Keep an eye out about local events, national events or something interesting going on. This will give you something to help the conversation flow during your date!

Good luck and let me know how it turns out!

Sissy

Harmonica from NC, United States asks

Dear Sissy,

I've recently become friends with a really hot guy, we've been looking out for about a month. We were friends last year but we never really payed much attention to eachother.

On Monday I went back to school to find that everyone is gawking at us and saying that we're dating, he didn't seem to care much, he actually even called me his "girlfriend"! I really like him but I still didn't agree to this relationship, should I just go with it or should I be skeptical?

Sissy says

Hello Harmonica,

You did not say why you were in doubt about the relationship. It really is not significant, in my opinion, that you have been friends and not paid much attention to one another until now.

Sometimes feelings do not develop until later, so this should not be an issue. However, if there is another issue that is holding you back, weigh the good and bad, then make a determination.

If you like him and are attracted, I say give it a shot!

Good luck to you

Sissy

Danielle from WI, United States asks

My boyfriend and I were at the homecoming dance and another girl came up and started to grind on him and he didn't stop her. He was 2 rows in front of me at the time and I saw the whole thing.

I didn't talk to him and when my friends told me to talk to him he got mad at me because i didnt "trust" him. Was i wrong?

Sissy says

Hi Danielle,

This is a tough question to answer because it really depends on his exact actions and how it took to the young lady, if you could call her that.

Was he joining in with her or standing there in shock? Did he carry on with her or simply wait until it was over? Have you ever had someone do something and you were a bit shocked and didn't know how to react?

I can not answer this for you, but what I can say is if there has been any "signs" of not being able to trust, then you might have a right. If on the other hand he has always been trustworthy, I think I would drop the issue. I would however certainly watch this young lady!

Good luck to you

Sissy

Jordan from Alabama, United States asks

Hi,

My name is Jordan. I am in the 10th grade and just started dating this guy, a 9th grader. Well, we have been dating for a month now, and already we have hugged, held hands, and he even put his arms around my waist. It's all great and he makes me feel beautiful for once, but when we are alone, we barely talk and I never have anything to say. (awkward silences...)

Well, I am scared that our relationship will suffer. please help me with this. This is all new to me and I really need to let loose...

Sissy says

Hi Jordan,

Yes that silence can be awkward! It happens to everyone and he feels the same way, I promise.

You might need to find something you both have in common that will help keep the conversation going. Keep up with sporting events, current news, the weather... so you can have something to talk about!

Also have a good look around the site because Lee has written a number of articles covering conversations and what to say.

Good luck

Sissy

Annonymous from New York, United States asks

The boy I like sits right behind me and whenever I look at him he stares and smiles. Does he like me?

Sissy says

When a boy smiles and stares, he does! Let him know you are interested. Talk to him, flirt with him and ease his mind. You have to make yourself approachable so he doesn't feel like he will be turned down!!

Good luck

Sissy

Confused Love from Canada asks

Dear Mrs.Sissy,

I found this site in google. I need advice. I'm 16 and I'm in junior high school. Last year in my classroom there was this boy, and he seemed to like me.

1). He held the door for me.

2). He stared at me in the classroom several times:)

3) 3 months later he stared at me again like he had never seen me before.

Do you think he likes me????

Thankssssss

Sissy says

Hi

I do! It sounds like to me that he is trying to figure out or get some sign that you are willing! Give him a wink or something to work with! Who knows, it may turn into a great relationship!

Sissy

Judy from TN, United States asks

I have been dating the same person for 5 years. I love him but I have some issues. I don't know if he is the right person for me.

How do you know if the person is the right person for you?

Sissy says

Hi Judy,

There is no right or wrong way to tell if the person is the right one for you. In fact no relationship is ever perfect or completely "right" all the time.

However, if you are second guessing, not feeling good about yourself or being fulfilled by this other person, you may be in trouble. You need to weigh the good and bad of the relationship and then determine whether it is worth working on. If there is abuse, of any kind it is time to call it quits.

If you have fallen out of love or are in the relationship for the wrong reason, you might be able to work toward a happier relationship, but only you can make that decision.

Please let me know if there is anything else I can help you with.

Sissy

Shannon from NE, United States asks

How do I ask out a guy that was a friend then an enemy and now I think that he has a thing for me? I don't get it so how do I ask him out and bare in mind I can't talk to guys I like.

Sissy says

Hi Shannon,

I am not sure what happened to make you enemies, but I am assuming it wasn't something unforgivable! You are going to have to start talking to him or letting him know that you are interested.

Shyness makes it very difficult to date, but you can start with little things like bumping in to him, talk to a friend of his or find another way to start a conversation.

You might also try and learn some of the techniques to deal with shyness, because it will really hold you back. There are some good tips and tricks in the confidence center on the site, along with an ebook I co-wrote called 'Bulletproof Self Confidence' that can help you tremendously!

Good luck to you!

Sissy

Jenae from Kansas, United States asks

This guy and me have been going to the same school since middle school and pretty much we never spoke to each other until we got our yearbooks for 7th grade. When I took the most HORRENDOUS picture in my entire life!

I know that sounds that I am just putting myself down, but honestly it was. My eyes were going in both directions, my hair was flat on top but crazy curly on the bottom, my glasses were glarey, and my smile was jacked-up. Maybe it could have been worse, but it was pretty bad.

Anyway, when it was around the time we got the yearbooks he asked me about my picture. I can't exactly recall the question, but I answered it with a laugh and a joke about the worst picture ever even though I was mortified, but all he did was smile along with me.

Last year, in 9th grade when I came back, he started to be nicer. He encourage me when I was running the mile and I was in last place and he said that I did a good job with my report when we had to talk out loud.

Now this year, in 10th grade, he still is doing it.

Now I don't know if he did anything weird last year and I just forgot about it or didn't notice, but this year he already has.

One day when I was working on my Geometry I looked up, our eyes met, I look back down, then he came over and sat right next to me, without even asking if it was ok. He asked a couple of questions, I answered them then he left.

Also, one day in my Spanish class I was the first one in there and while I was putting on my jacket I looked towards the door and he was there, I think, staring at me. Then he looked down, and did the hesation-then-move-quickly-to-his-chair move.

Also today when we had to play matt ball and, yet again, I was the only girl he said "Well, Jenae is pretty good." and he named off a few other kids, but the thing is he said it when he was right behind me.

One day in study hall, this upper classman and our teacher said how he was so loud in other classes and that came a surprise to me because I only saw him as a quiet person.

I thought that he liked me at the beginning, but then him and some other boys were talking about this one girl and he answered, very loudly, "Oh she said no.". So that discouraged me. Anyway I want to ask him about it, but I think if I do it would just seem that I was being stalkerish.

Can you explain this to me?

Sissy says

Hi Jenae,

It sounds like he is definitely interested and been "eyeing" you. I think you have picked up most of the subtle hints that he is giving you, but I think he is probably wondering if you like him or would laugh in his face.

Start dropping hints (like the things you told me that he is doing with you) to show him that you are interested. In fact you might even talk to him and just see what he says. I do think that he likes you, but sometimes people are afraid to make that next move!

Good luck and let me know how it turns out!

Sissy

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