September 2008


Here are your questions for September 2008.

Naomi from Wales, United Kingdom asks

I have a boyfriend that I really really like but when I talk to him on msn and try and make conversation with him he always says I have to go.

He doesn't seem to put much effort in as being my boyfriend.

And when I text him he doesn't reply and it's not because he hasn't got credit because I know he has.

I dont know what to do. Should I dump him or stay with him?

Sissy says

Naomi,

Are you happy?

Do you like the current situation?

I would say NOOOOO and move on! You are too good for someone that is too busy. Give him the space that he wants and dump him!

Good luck to you

Sissy

Rebecca from Wales, United Kingdom asks

Heya Im Rebecca,

I Have a really confusing situation. I think that I am deeply attracted to my best friend, And I know that he likes me back, because he has asked me out like 5 times, but each time I said no..I'm totally cruel right?.

We talk online, on the phone all the time, except I'm in college now, he's in his last year of school, he lives a 10 min car ride away which makes the situation more complicated. since I can hardly see him anymore.

I just can't figure out how I feel for him, he likes me, I like him and I have told him this. I'm only 16, and he's 15, and deep down I think am ready for a relationship.

We always have deep, profound conversations about anything and everything. We are always having fun, have loads in common and have never argued in the all the 4 years I've known him.

Arrgh...this is the problem...I can't figure out how I feel!

I have a twin brother, who I am incedablely close too, and alot of the things I feel for my brother I feel for my friend, but theres a lot extra I feel for my friend, lLike I've told all my secrets to my friend that I could never tell my twin.

He's really sensitive, always caring about me, doing whatever I want to do and I'm the same.

I can really imagine having a relationship with him, and as weired as it sounds , I can actually imagine marrying him, kissing him, having sex with him etc, but I haven't done any of this before...I know stupid for a 16 year old girl to have never kissed anyone, but I wanted to wait for the right person and I think it might be him.

Ok...this must be the longest, most jumbled up letter you have ever gotten SORRY. MY problem is as complicated as this letter lol

Any help at all would be appreciated. Thanks

Sissy says

Hi Rebecca,

You hit the nail on the head when you said that you are confused!

What I always tell people is that when they are going back and forth like that they need to take a step back and evaluate. This is not something that you have to make a long term decision in a couple of days. Give yourself some time, get your mind off of it and give it a rest.

I promise when you back up the answer will be clear to you.

Now what I think - I think you should take a little while to make your decision, but if you truly have those feelings I say go for it!

Good luck and let me know how everything turns out.

Sissy

Justin from Florida, United States asks

I'm 16 yrs old. So is my friend. Ive known her for 3yrs and ive been in love with her for 3yrs.

I think of myself as fairly attractive, and she is definately a 10. But I respect her, and the whole time (currently as well) she's had boyfriends.

I'm to afraid to tell her my feelings and ruin a friendship if she doesn't like me like that.. I can't stress enough how much I truly love this girl.... I'm pretty sure she doesn't really know I really like her.

I dont know if I should see how her curent relationship goes, and if it doesn't work, make my move.... I just need some PRO advice... Please help.....

Sissy says

Hi Justin,

This is a very common dilemma. Basically you did not say whether or not that she had ever given any indication that she might be interested in you. I know that sometimes we fall in love, but the other person views us as a friend and that is all they see.

They do not catch those little sayings, looks or flirts because they take it as friends only. So I am not sure about that. If she has given you reason to believe that she may feel the same way about you I would talk to her, but be prepared. This could change the friendship, but it likely needs to be spoken.

You will never be able to date her or make peace with the fact that she only wants to be friends unless you know for certain. Really assess the situation and then make your decision. By all means email if you need more help!

Sissy

Cryst from California, United States asks

Dear Sissy,

Thanks for helping out earlier from another post. We've been going out for almost two months now, just to let you know :D

Anyway. We don't see each other very often now that school started, not that its a problem although I'd like to see him more often. But when we used to meet often during the summer... twice (on different days), he was nearly close to kissing me asked if it was okay to kiss me. I didn't really respond, which he took as an obvious no.

He told me that he won't do anything without me being okay with it. But to be honest I wanted to kiss him too, although, as I mentioned before in another post, I'm pretty inexperienced in dating compared to other people. But I feel too young to kiss even though I know many people who've already kissed before who are much younger than me.

Would it be okay if I were to kiss even when I feel hesitant?

Sissy says

Hi Cryst,

There is really not a right or wrong answer about when it is time to kiss someone. I am an advocate of waiting until you are a bit older, before becoming romantically involved.

I am not sure of your age, but if you are questioning yourself, you are not ready. Just because others are kissing does not mean that you have to! However, a hen peck never hurt anyone, but if your not ready leave the lip lock for later!

Please let me know if I can help you with anything else, I love it when people continue their advice with me!

Really, you will know when you are ready, take it slow and if you feel confident then go for it, otherwise you have plenty of time.

Sissy

Gena from Minnesota, United States asks

There is a guy I like in my grade. I use to talk to him a lot, but after I stopped playing soccer we didn't really see each other as often. Now when we're in class I notice him looking at me sometimes. But he still doesn't talk to me. I don't think he's shy because he has had a girlfriend.

I've read articles, but I'm not always outgoing enough to talk to everyone. So how do I get him to notice me or even talk to me again?

Sissy says

Hi Gena,

It sounds like he is already interested if you catch him looking at you. When he is looking at you give him a little wave or something that lets him know that it is acceptable to approach you.

Remember, just because he has had a girlfriend does not mean that he is not shy. You may intimidate him a little - this sometimes happens. If you are not confident enough to walk over and start a conversation, find a way to be in the same place and accidentally bump into him!

Since you have a sport in common it may be a great way to start a conversation!

Good luck and let me know how it goes!!

Sissy

Jessicah from Nairobi, Kenya asks

Is it a must that I kiss my date?

Sissy says

Hello Jessicah,

Absolutely not!

If you are comfortable and want a kiss then kiss, otherwise do not!

You always have the right to do with your body as you see fit!

Good luck to you

Sissy

Jackie from Indiana, United States asks

Sissy,

I just read several of your Q&A's. You give great advice. So here's my question. I have a friend in Alabama (I live in Indiana). He has a girlfriend who lives close by him. They have been dating approx 6 months. Ages are 49 (for both I think). He has a regular job, but she works as a social worker and owns her own business so she's a very busy woman (which I understand where she's coming from). He works as a security office for a very large firm.

We talk quite often and he has lately been complaining of her moods. One minute she'll be really sweet and want to be with him and other times he thinks she's pulling back and not interested.

What kind of advice can I give him or at the very least any ideas I can give him? He really is a sweet guy and he says that he really likes her.

Sissy says

Hi Jackie,

Thank you for the compliment! You sound like a sweetheart trying to help others. I love people that take it on themselves to research and find answers for those that are dear to them.

As far as your friend, it is very difficult to say what is going on. She may have some trust issues or be dealing with something other than her relationship with him.

Individuals that pour themselves heart and soul into their work oftentimes struggle with relationships because they spend all of their emotional, and physical resources at work.

I would be there for him and listen to him (he needs someone to vent to). It may be a simple matter of time before she works through her emotions. It really sounds to me that she may have been hurt in the past and pull back maybe without even realizing it. With her being interested and loving some of the time this tells me that she does have some level of interest and feelings.

Relationships with trust issues are more delicate and require work and patience. Tell him to give her some time to learn to trust and build the relationship slowly, this is always the best way.

Let me know if there is anything else I can help you with!

Sissy

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